LunarLuau

Bachelor Parties Are Irrelevant

After talking with Keith earlier today, we realized that getting married really doesn’t impede any male freedoms anymore.  Given that most couples co-habitate before getting married, the various freedoms have been removed long before a guy gets married.  Thus, what exactly does a bachelor party celebrate the end of anymore?  Would your significant other be any more or less accepting of events that take place at a *good* bachelor party the day after you are married as the day before?  Of course not.

I can’t really think of any good reason for it aside from getting guys to buy into the bridal-industrial complex.  It would probably be more appropriate to have a party just before a guy starts “going steady” (yes, I’m using that term, it’s retro but good) with a girl.  However, that can happen a lot and throwing a rager every time a guy starts a relationship could get a little taxing, especially for some guys I know.

To deal with this, I propose throwing a party in celebration of a Man’s impending loss of much greater freedoms which can be tied to a very specific date for which freedoms exist one day and are gone the next: the birth of his first kid.  Yes, a knock up party if you will.  Think about it, in a relationship, the other party is a grown adult who can be reasoned with; with fatherhood the other party is a loud, needy, dependent whom you are genetically programmed to love no matter what irrational things they do.  Tell me THAT’S not the real loss of freedom.  In a relationship, going out for drinks requires an ‘okay’ over a phone call; with kids, going out for drinks requires an available babysitter, a constant ear to a cell phone, a hard curfew, and a drinking limit.  The beginning of a relationship sees happy people; the beginning of kids sees excessively tired people.  You get the idea.

It makes more sense to celebrate the final days of not being responsible for the welfare of another human being than celebrating the dropping of a couple grand on a wedding party and making it marginally harder to break up because of legal costs.  It also has the added benefit of people never having to deal with the awkwardness of deciding whether to have second bachelor party for your second marriage, since you can only have your first kid once.

So yes Chris, if Mel pees out a plus sign in May we’re going to Vegas.